the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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