he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
