drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
this is an emotional support booty call
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
