I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
