My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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