You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
