this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
