and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
