Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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