I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
