dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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