I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
