I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Of course I have a pirate flag
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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