Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
