i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
