Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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