Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
