Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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