she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A bitchslap is in order.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
