i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
