She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
