my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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