So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
