I am puke
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
