So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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