Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
