I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
