so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
