In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
