I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
