stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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