You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
