I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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