booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
