Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
