Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
