therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
