just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
