he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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