Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
