I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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