And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
