I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
