you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
