I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
