Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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