god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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