I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
love makes seman taste better
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
