just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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