i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
